SEEEEXXX PLEASE
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
