Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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