she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
