I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
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