I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
