he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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