Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
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