u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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