just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
