I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
