wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Randomize
