so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
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Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
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We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
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