Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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