The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
