How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
