I think I can smell my own vagina right now
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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