I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
