how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
