I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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