a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
