my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Randomize
