well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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