dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
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