Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
