Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Randomize
