i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
