Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
