nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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