Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
