but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
