After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
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and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
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I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
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