Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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