why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
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