ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
You had me at "let me see your balls"
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
