Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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