i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
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