if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
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