I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
