Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
worst night to have a conscience
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Randomize
