I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
even my farts smell like vagina
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
