my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
