dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Everyone says I win the strip club
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
