went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
How drunk are you?
Completed.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Randomize
