The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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