perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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