"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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