i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Randomize
