I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
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The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
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