he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
