best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
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