Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
