i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
