We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Randomize
