i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
we made out on top of his cat.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
