Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Everyone says I win the strip club
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
you're hired as official boob wrangler
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Randomize
