your thong is hanging out like whoa
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize
