If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
In other news, I just burned my penis
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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