toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Boobs speak an international language.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Randomize
