I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Randomize
