I'm eating all of the evidence.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
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