I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Randomize
