Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
