you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
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