her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize
