Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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