and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Randomize
