I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Randomize
