Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
there was a trapeze. enough said
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Randomize
