There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Randomize
