I want to stick my p in your. b.
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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