What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
