Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
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