I am puke
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
