i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
