he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Floor bacon is actually really good
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
