even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
How does it feel to date your dad?
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Randomize
