literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
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