well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
