Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
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Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
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I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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