i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
