I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Sext me about skeletons
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Randomize
