As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
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